


Maybe She's The One

by River_Lex



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: College Clexa, F/F, I didn't intend on it being this long, Modern AU, Slow Burn, clarke and lexa - Freeform, lexa and costia as kids, modern lostia/clexa au, probably smut, this ended up a lot longer than planned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6602110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/River_Lex/pseuds/River_Lex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically the story of Lexa and Costia being friends as kids and then blossoming into a young, innocent cute relationship but SPOILER Costia dies and Lexa is left alone. She ends up going to college where she meets Clarke Griffin (her roommate) and Clarke kind of helps to bring Lexa back out of her shell again and Lexa comes to terms with her feelings for Clarke even though she has tried to ignore them because she was hurt after Costia</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They were four and five years old the first time Lexa and Costia met. Costia had lived in that neighborhood her entire life and the house next to hers had always been empty. But now a family was moving in there, one with a girl her age. Costia thought that there had never been a more lucky girl than her. 

 

While Lexa’s parents moved boxes and furniture into the house, Lexa and Costia played in Costia’s backyard. They were instant friends- Costia was adventurous and outgoing, and Lexa was daring and funny. They were best friends from day one, when their parents had to call them inside after the sun had set because they had not stopped playing together, climbing across Costia’s monkey bars and seeing who could pull the best stunts. They agreed that Lexa had won. 

 

The next fall, Costia started kindergarten. After having had her around all summer, Lexa was bored and lonely without her and when her parents were fighting, she would still go over to Costia’s house, even when only her mother was home. Lexa liked Indra, Costia’s mom. She was a better mother to Lexa than her own, though Lexa would never let herself think that. Indra let Lexa stay over whenever she wanted to, even on school nights sometimes if her parents were fighting. 

 

Every day when Costia got home from school, she would meet Lexa in her backyard and tell her about everything that had happened. She talked about her teacher and her friends (which made Lexa jealous because she was supposed to be Costia’s only friend). She would show Lexa the projects she had made in school and sometimes she would even bring one home for her. Drawings and paintings from Costia decorated an entire wall in Lexa’s room. 

 

One day Costia brought a new friend home from school with her. Lexa was terrified when she saw somebody else on their monkey bars and in their backyard. She sat at her house looking out the window at them playing until she finally couldn’t take it anymore. She stormed to Costia’s yard and beat the other little girl up. The girl’s mom was mad when she came to pick her up but Lexa didn’t care because Costia wasn’t mad at her, and Costia was the only one who mattered. 

 

“Lexa, why’d you beat up Harper? She’s nice. She’s my friend,” Costia said as they sat on her bed later that night. 

 

“You wanted to play with Harper more than me. Do you like her more than me now?” Lexa asked quietly. 

 

Costia saw how sad Lexa was and she reassured her that she would never have a better friend than Lexa. When that still didn’t completely cheer her up, Costia tickled her until they were both so out of breath from laughing that they fell back onto the bed, falling asleep in their clothes and tennis shoes. 

 

The next summer, Lexa and Costia never left each other’s side. Lexa even went with Indra and Costia to Costia’s grandparents’ house, where they swam in the lake, each exceptionally good at it. They raced each other in the water all day and at night they had a fire and made s’mores. When they went back home the next day, Costia’s grandparents invited Lexa back any time she wanted. She took them up on their offer, arriving along with Indra and Costia dozens of times over the years. 

 

The next summer Lexa started school along with Costia. Lexa’s mother brought her to school of course, but it was Indra who took pictures of the girls on the first day and walked them to class. It was eventually Indra who the school called to come pick Lexa up when she got sick one day and it was Indra who brought her to her house and let her sleep on the couch and watch cartoons until Costia got home and joined her. 

 

They always had other friends in their classes of course, but they never had a friend better than each other. 

 

Lexa would find other kids to play with at school but she never brought any of her friends home like Costia sometimes did. She didn’t want her friends to be at her house because her parents might start yelling while they were there and that would be embarrassing. When Costia had friends over, she always invited Lexa too. Nothing like what happened with Harper ever happened again. 

 

One day, when Lexa was in first grade and Costia in second, Indra was getting Costia ready for bed when Lexa burst in through their front door, crying. Indra knew what had been going on with Lexa’s parents and was prepared for what she knew was coming, but Costia was taken completely by surprise. 

 

“My dad is leaving,” Lexa cried as Costia held her. Costia didn’t know what to say so she just kept holding her as she cried. “He’s not coming back,” Lexa whispered through her tears.

 

“Why’s he leaving?” Costia asked after a while, running her fingers through Lexa’s soft hair. 

 

“He doesn’t love me and my mom anymore.” 

 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Indra tried to interject. 

 

“He said it.”

 

“Well I love you, Lexa, and that’s all that matters,” Costia said matter-of-factly, kissing the top of Lexa’s head. 

 

The next summer, Costia’s father came home. For most of the time that Lexa and Costia had been friends, he had been serving in the military overseas. But that summer he was done and he came back home to be with his wife and daughter.

 

Lexa tried not to let it show, but it was hard for her to be around Costia’s loving father so soon after her own had so recently left. But Costia noticed and she talked to Lexa about it, listening to her friend as she cried and, in her innocent and young way, wondered what she had done to make her dad leave. 

 

That summer Costia’s father built the girls a treehouse in the backyard. It became their safe place and they were always up there, talking and playing. Sometimes they would fall asleep while they watched the stars. When that happened Costia’s parents would sometimes bring them inside but sometimes they would just cover them in blankets and let them stay there, curled up beside one another. It wasn’t just the treehouse that was Lexa’s safe place- it was Costia. 

 

Soon enough, middle school came. Middle school brought with it parties and sports and puppy love. Lexa joined soccer, which she proved to be exceptionally good at, and Costia cheered her on at every single game. 

 

When Costia got invited to a huge party at the end of her eighth grade year, she insisted that Lexa go along as her “plus one”.

 

“I can’t go, Costia. I won’t know anybody there,” Lexa protested when Costia told her about it. 

 

“And this is the perfect opportunity to introduce yourself,” Costia argued. She was not going to budge on this- Lexa was going to go, whether she liked it or not. 

 

That party, as it turned out, completely changed their lives. 

 

Everybody accepted Lexa, just as Costia had said they would, and she swam and hung out with them all day, never straying far from Costia’s side. 

 

When it got later, everyone decided they should play spin the bottle. Nobody objected- they were excited. Any excuse to kiss each other, right? 

 

“Okay, guys, all rules apply. Gay’s okay, family is not, and we’re playing fates,” Lincoln, a popular eighth grade boy Lexa knew from soccer announced. 

 

“What’s fates?” Lexa whispered to Costia, never having played the game before. 

 

With a wicked grin, Costia replied, “If two people have to kiss each other three times, they get seven minutes in heaven, whether they like it or not.” She laughed when Lea’s eyes widened. “You can just sit it out if you want to, but people rarely ever get fates anyway.” Lexa nodded, somewhat reassured. 

 

Lincoln was the first to spin the bottle and it landed on his friend Niko. They barely kissed and made a huge deal out of being grossed out while everybody laughed. 

 

Next was Jasper and he got to kiss Maya, who everybody knew he liked. He was one of the lucky ones. 

 

A few more people went before it was Costia’s turn. Lexa surprised herself with how angry she was when it landed on Wells, a boy Lexa was sure liked Costia. In her mind, everyone was in love with Costia. And she hated it.

 

Costia quickly kissed Wells and nobody but Lexa saw her wipe her mouth off with the back of her hand afterward. 

 

Then it was Lexa’s turn. She quickly spun the bottle, crossing her fingers that it wouldn’t land on someone she hated. 

 

It landed on Costia.

 

“Thank God, finally someone I like,” Costia said, smirking. Lexa’s nerves calmed when she returned the playful smirk. However, neither girl missed the look of anticipation and fear in the other’s eyes as Costia leaned in and brushed her lips against Lexa’s. Their eyes closed and neither of them moved away from the other until people started teasing them.

 

Over the course of the game, Lexa had to kiss one more girl and two boys but they were all quick and awkward and nothing like the kiss she had shared with Costia, which she just couldn’t get out of her head. 

 

When they got home that night they sat in the treehouse for a long time without talking until finally Costia broke the silence. 

 

“Lexa… um, I really like kissing you. Did you like kissing me?” she asked quietly, biting her lip. Lexa nodded silently, shy and embarrassed, so unlike her usual feisty personality.

 

“Um, do you think we could… y’know, do it again?” Costia said nervously but before she could say anything more, Lexa surged forward and kissed her lightly, smiling against her lips. 

 

School was out for the summer soon, and Costia would be going to high school. But that didn’t change anything- this summer would be all about her and Lexa, just like always. 

 

This summer was different for other reasons. Lexa and Costia’s relationship was different now. Instead of pure childhood friendship, their relationship was mingled with young, innocent love. 

 

Indra noticed the change in dynamic as well but she didn’t say anything. She was okay with her daughter’s feelings for Lexa and didn’t want Costia to say anything or hear anything about it until she was ready. 

 

When they would go to the beach or to get ice cream, they would hold hands. They kissed in the treehouse, in the locker room before Lexa’s games, on the dock at Costia’s grandparents’ house, everywhere. Tender, innocent kisses. And they continued over the summers to come, as well as the falls, springs and winters.

 

Then Costia turned seventeen. Seventeen was a different age because now she could do what she always wanted, which was to follow in her father’s footsteps and join the military. With parental consent, she could do that at seventeen. And, being the daughter of a veteran, of course she had immediate parental consent. 

 

Lexa begged her not to go. She cried, saying that Costia was the only person she had and she couldn’t leave. She remembered the last time somebody left. Costia would find somebody better to replace Lexa. She wouldn’t love her anymore. 

 

“Lexa, come on. Don’t be stupid. I’ll always love you. But I have to go. I need to do this,” Costia protested and Lexa understood, as much as she wished she could continue stalling Costia’s departure. 

 

At the airport, Lexa kissed Costia once more before she left, knowing that both of Costia’s parents could see them, but she no longer cared. 

 

“Please be careful,” she whispered, leaving a trace of her tears on Costia’s cheek. 

 

“I will. I’ll be back before you can even miss me. I love you, Lexa. I’ll be okay and you will too.” And with that, she was gone. 

 

Lexa still went to Costia’s house almost every day, even though Costia wasn’t there. She was still more at home around Costia’s mother than she was her own. Sometimes she would get the chance to Skype Costia and talk to her about school and her parents and what Costia had been doing, which progressively became more dangerous every time she and Lexa talked. 

 

Every day Lexa prayed for Costia to come home soon, healthy and okay and ready to pick back up where they left off. 

 

Costia did return home sooner than planned. But there was no celebration. There was, instead, mourning and sorrow and a folded-up American flag, delivered to Indra along with Costia’s Purple Heart. There was silence and crushing, long hours of nothing upon nothing. There was no hope left for Costia’s safe return, no long Skype calls and letters. There was no more laughter, no more whispering late at night when everybody else was asleep. 

 

Lexa was there. When Indra and her husband could not talk to the people offering sorrow at their door, Lexa did it for them. When friends of Costia’s came to grieve and to offer their condolences, Lexa accepted them. Not once did anybody ask if she was okay. And not once did she offer an answer. 

 

Finally Indra seemed to realize that Lexa still existed. She found her in Costia’s room late one night, unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep, cold without Costia’s warmth beside her. She kept quiet through her tears, thinking of Costia’s parents in the room right next to the one she was in. She did not want to wake them. 

 

When Indra opened the door, Lexa sat up, quickly wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, unsure of what she was sorry for exactly, but positive that she was sorry about something. 

 

“No, honey, it’s me who should be sorry. I’ve never even thought to ask you how you’re doing,” Indra said quietly, sitting herself down next to Lexa.

 

“I don’t know. I mean, I really don’t know how I’m doing. I loved her, Indra. I love her,” she said quietly, trying not to cry in front of Indra because everybody knew that Lexa Woods did not cry. 

 

“I know, hun. We all did,” Indra whispered, gently setting her hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

 

“No, I mean-”

 

“Lexa. I know. I was with the two of you all the time. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” Indra said, smiling sadly. 

 

Lexa didn’t know what to say. Lexa never knew what to say anymore. The bittersweet irony was that she wanted to talk to Costia, to complain about the people pretending they had known her best friend and girlfriend just as well as her. She wanted to lie with Costia as she had before, in silence with no sound but their own syncopated breathing and their strong, steady heartbeats. Now there was only the empty silence to fill the void once occupied by Costia. And Lexa thought it would never be filled again. Nobody else could ever fill her the way Costia had.

 

 

THREE YEARS LATER

 

Clarke had finished unpacking and was sitting on her bed texting Octavia when her new roommate walked in. Clarke didn’t notice her at first but when she looked up she had to blink a couple of times to make sure she was really seeing the beautiful girl in front of her. 

 

“Um… hi, I’m Lexa Woods. You must be Clarke?” the girl said, setting down the boxes she was holding and extending her hand. Clarke stood up and took it, smiling. 

 

“Yeah. Do you need help with anything?” she asked. Lexa just shook her head, looking almost sad. 

 

Clarke offered again to help her a while later, but Lexa just smiled and reassured her that she was fine. Clarke just retreated to her bed, furiously texting Octavia and Raven, her best friends, about Lexa. 

 

She had no idea how she felt about her new roommate. Judging by first impressions, Lexa was maybe a little distant but was polite and seemed like a fairly decent person. And damn, she was cute.

 

On the other side of the room, Lexa sighed and pulled out her laptop, working on an essay she had prepared ahead of time for her history class. She had improved in her schoolwork in the past few years, pouring her whole heart into her assignments. The once sassy and daredevil Lexa had disappeared and was replaced with hardworking, quiet, perfect Lexa. 

 

Lexa had to admit, her roommate was not as bad as she had been anticipating. Clarke was quiet enough so far and didn’t seem bent on becoming best friends. She was cute, Lexa knew that for sure. But she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. She was not in college for a relationship, she was there to get a degree. 

 

In the morning Lexa woke up earlier than Clarke ever had, showering before heading to her first class at seven AM. Clarke woke up just as Lexa was leaving their room. She grumbled something about Lexa being “absolutely insane” and missed the small smile on the brunette’s face as she closed the door behind her. 

 

After getting to know each other for the first few weeks of the semester, Clarke invited Lexa to dinner at Raven and Octavia’s apartment. 

 

“I don’t know your friends, Clarke. They don’t know me either,” Lexa argued, wanting to stay in and work on her homework. 

 

“Come on, Lexa. You have all weekend to work on homework. Besides, you haven’t even gotten that assignment yet,” Clarke insisted gently. She didn’t know Lexa well enough to really tease her yet, but she still did want Lexa to come with.

 

“Why do you want me to come with you, Clarke?” Lexa asked, looking up from her laptop. 

 

“Well, if I’m being honest…” Clarke said with a teasing smile. “I’m tired of being the third wheel with nobody else to talk to. I mean, yeah I’m glad they’re happy and stuff but it does get a little bit boring when none of the attention is on you,” she said, chuckling a bit. 

 

“Your friends… they’re dating?” Lexa said, suddenly curious. 

 

“Uh, yeah. I hope you’re okay with that, because if you’re not, I have officially found the only flaw of my roommate.”

 

Lexa laughed. “That would hardly be my only flaw, Clarke. But yes, I am fine with that. It just surprised me. I don’t really meet many other… people like me.”

 

Clarke winked, holding out her hand. “The name’s Clarke Griffin. Nice to meet you, people like me.” 

 

Lexa got the gist and had to clench her jaw to stop it from falling open. This was going to make things way more complicated. So far she had been able to keep her sort-of feelings for Clarke locked away but this did change everything. She had to remind herself that there was still no chance that Clarke would think of her as anything other than a roommate either way and she wasn’t sure she was ready to even consider anything romantic. Not yet. But Clarke had invited her to dinner, hadn’t she?

 

“I’ll go,” Lexa said. Clarke smiled and retreated back to her own side of the room. “I knew you’d say yes,” she teased. 

 

“And how would you have known that?” Lexa threw back at her. 

 

“Well. How could you resist this?” Clarke said, spinning in a circle and laughing before telling Lexa they had to get going if they wanted any food at all. 

 

Lexa followed Clarke out of the dorm, nervous to see what she had gotten herself into. 

 

As it turned out, however, she really did have a good time. Raven and Octavia were nice, if a bit overbearing on the teasing. They were good cooks, she had to give them that. The pasta they had made was delicious and afterward they put a movie in and all migrated to the living room to watch it. 

Clarke hadn't lied about Raven and Octavia paying all attention to each other. They talked to Clarke and Lexa for a while but almost as soon as they had started the movie, they had turned all attention to each other. 

Clarke complained about their affection but Lexa really didn't mind it. It had been so long since anyone around her had shown affection for each other. Even if it did get a little disturbing, it was kind of nice that the mood was loving and tender, even if it made Lexa squirm uncomfortably in her seat.

Once they had left to their room and it was only Clarke and Lexa, Lexa asked "Do you have... a girlfriend, boyfriend, anything like that?" She was asking because she was genuinely curious but that did nothing to stop her blush. 

Clarke shook her head, pausing the movie that they hadn't been watching anyway. "I guess I've been with a couple of people but never 'the one', ya know?" 

Lexa shrugged. Over the last few years she had thought about Costia so much. When she was younger, she was determined that Costia was the one for her. Her soulmate, per se. But she had eventually come to terms that no, Costia had not been her soulmate. Costia had been her first love, and they had been just kids. She still felt like maybe someday she would find someone else, someone she loved even more than she had loved Costia (though she wondered how that could be possible).

"I had a girlfriend, when I was younger," Lexa said suddenly, surprising herself. "Her name was Costia. We were young and playing around with love. She died a few years ago, when I was sixteen." Lexa had no idea what made her tell Clarke this information, which she never told anyone. 

The blonde's eyes softened. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, gently resting her hand on Lexa's knee. Though Lexa usually hated being touched, she let Clarke's hand remain there. 

"Yeah," she said quietly, looking down at her lap so she would not have to meet Clarke's piercing eyes again. "That kind of stuff happens, I guess." Clarke gave her knee a soft reassuring squeeze before letting go and sitting back, her back resting against the arm of the couch. 

After a few more minutes of neither of them paying attention to the movie, Clarke grimaced upon hearing something that Lexa had thankfully missed. "We should maybe get going. They tend to get kind of... loud," she said, grimacing. 

Lexa nodded and quickly stood up, following Clarke to the door. 

"We could stop at the frozen yogurt place on the way back," Clarke suggested and Lexa just couldn't deny that smile. 

While they sat and ate their frozen yogurt, Lexa listened as Clarke told her about her family, Octavia and Raven, and her life at home. Lexa briefly asked questions or input her own opinion or personal experience, but for the most part she just liked to listen to Clarke. It had been so painfully long since anyone had taken the time to willingly have a conversation like this with her. And not only was Clarke willing, she seemed kind of eager to spend time with Lexa. 

After years of trying not to get too close to anyone for fear of them leaving, Lexa could feel herself finally connecting with somebody again.


	2. Turning Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So yeah everything's going pretty great but of course something awful has to happen and change stuff because that's the way the world works. Just deal with it. (jk 'm not one to talk, I've been crying about Lexa's death for almost 2 months). BUT ALSO this contains cute Clexa fluff cuz my babies are little shits and they need their cuddles

The next morning Lexa woke up before Clarke like always and left their dorm, deciding to let Clarke get another precious half hour of sleep. 

During her third class of the day, she got a text from Raven, asking where Clarke was, since she wasn't in art history, which she shared with Raven (who had just needed an extra credit and figured it would be okay because it was a class with Clarke). 

Lexa thought about calling Clarke but instead just left in the middle of her lecture to go check in their dorm, since it wasn't completely unheard of for Clarke to sleep in unusually much.

When Lexa got to their dorm, however, Clarke wasn't asleep. She was sitting on her bed, staring at her phone in her hands. 

"Clarke, are you okay? You missed two classes..." Lexa said but her voice trailed off when Clarke looked up at her and she saw the tears in her eyes. 

"Lexa, my dad died," she said in the smallest, most scared voice Lexa had ever heard and she melted, rushing to Clarke's side and wrapping the girl in her arms as she cried. 

Neither of them said anything because neither knew what to say. Lexa knew what it felt like to lose your father and to lose someone you loved, and she had a feeling that Clarke's dad had been both of those to her. 

Finally Clarke sat back, lifting her head from Lexa's shoulder. "I'm sorry. You left in the middle of class, you didn't have to do that for me," she said, drying her tears with her sleeve while new ones took their place until she just gave up.

"No, I was more than willing to. It's fine, Clarke," Lexa reassured her, rubbing her hand over Clarke's back in slow circles. 

"His funeral is this weekend, in my hometown. I'm going to have to go alone, since Raven and O both have stuff going on this weekend," she said, sounding so scared and so innocent.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Lexa asked quietly. She knew that Clarke would probably rather go alone, but she couldn't help but ask anyway.

Clarke shook her head. "No, Lexa I could never expect you to do that."

"I really wouldn't mind, though. You shouldn't have to be alone, Clarke. Being sad and alone is a dangerous combination." She would know.

Clarke started crying again as she nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Lexa," she whispered as Lexa brought her a blanket and wrapped her up in it. 

For the rest of the week Clarke missed all of her classes and Raven and Octavia helped her catch up in a couple of her subjects while Lexa took care of her. Clarke hated being so needy but she was not in any kind of capable state emotionally. And honestly, she didn't mind the time alone with Lexa so much.

Clarke's hometown was a three hours' drive from the college, and Lexa volunteered to drive so Clarke could rest. Her week had been so stressful and Lexa wanted to do everything she could to help, even if the one thing Clarke needed was impossible for her to do.

When they got to Clarke's mother's house they were greeted by a stressed Abby Griffin, who hugged Lexa as well as her daughter, having known that Lexa was coming with her. She was thankful that Clarke had found a friend like Lexa to watch out for her. 

Clarke and her mother talked and cried together while Lexa helped by cleaning around the house for the sympathetic guests they were sure to receive. Nobody had asked her to do anything but she knew how hard it was to do basic things like remembering to clean the house when somebody you loved has just died. She had done this before for Costia's parents, even when she was just as devastated as them. She could do it easily for the Griffins now because it hurt her to see Clarke so sad and know that there was nothing she could do about it.

That night she slept in the guest room right next to Clarke's room and it felt so weird for her to be separated from Clarke after months of having slept only feet from each other. She knew that Clarke felt the same way when she appeared in the doorway in the middle of the night. 

"I'm sorry, Lexa. I just can't sleep," she apologized. 

"Don't be sorry," Lexa whispered, pulling back the blankets to make room for Clarke to lie down next to her, which she did, pressing herself into Lexa and perfectly fitting their bodies together. Lexa smiled at the warmth that Clarke brought along with her and she buried her face in Clarke's soft, long hair, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. 

"Thank you for coming, Lexa. I'm pretty sure my mom would have had a mental breakdown if you hadn't helped her clean and stuff. And she's not the only one," Clarke whispered, her words becoming quieter as they went on. 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and pulled the girl into her, creating a space safe enough for Clarke to finally be able to rest her eyes. 

The next morning they were up before the sun, even though the funeral wasn't until that afternoon. They were all just too anxious to stay asleep. When Clarke woke up and the first thing she saw was Lexa, she thought that maybe things wouldn't be as bad as long as she had Lexa by her side all day. She didn't think she could be able to be alone at all, or her sadness might swallow her whole.

They dressed in their black dresses, Clarke and Abby leaving their faces clean of makeup that they knew would just be washed off over the course of the day. As they walked into the funeral home, Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand, needing something to hold onto. Lexa softly held her hand, trying to send as much comfort as possible through that small amount of contact. 

The service was short and exactly what you would expect for a good, well-known man such as Jake Griffin. People came up to Clarke and Abby afterward, offering their sorrow. Clarke never once let go of Lexa's hand. 

After the service they had to drive to the cemetery for the burial. Clarke had held it together for the duration of the funeral service but when she saw them lower her father's casket into the ground, Lexa could see the tears silently streaming down her face and the barely-concealed tremble of her bottom lip. She gently squeezed Clarke's hand and the girl responded by burying her face in Lexa's shoulder, trying to cry as quietly as possible while her mother silently mourned next to her. 

They all made it through the rest of the day and then went home so that Clarke and Abby could rest and get some time away from people who they knew meant well, but who were irritating all the same. While they sat in the kitchen in silence, Lexa accepted people at the door, never letting them in but thanking them for their condolences and the casseroles they brought. It felt so familiar to her and this was almost the same exact situation she had been in three years ago, when Costia had died. Except for now, she hadn't even known the man who died, and the girl she cared about was still there. She was still okay.

That night, Lexa knew that Clarke would end up in bed with her again. And so she did. Right as Lexa was drifting off to sleep, she saw Clarke standing in the doorway again, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. "Sorry," she muttered, embarrassed, but Lexa just shook her head. "You don't need to be sorry, Clarke. Come on, lay down." Clarke lay next to Lexa, facing her. Her eyes slowly trailed over Lexa's face, memorizing every detail of her features. Lexa smiled gently, her hand sliding up and down Clarke's side, soothing her. "Lexa, you've never talked about your family. What are they like?" Clarke asked, unable to fall asleep. She felt bad for keeping Lexa up but she didn't want to be alone. As Lexa had told her, sad and alone really was a dangerous combination. Lexa sighed, stilling the movement of her hand. "Did your father love you, Clarke?" she whispered and Clarke nodded, very sure of how much her father had cared about her. "Well, just remember all the good memories of him. Just know that you were lucky to have him," Lexa whispered, trying to somewhat avoid the conversation. "What is your dad like, Lexa?" Lexa sighed, closing her eyes. "I don't have one. He left when I was six," she said quietly. She was surprised to feel Clarke's hand on her cheek. "I'm sorry," Clarke whispered. Lexa just nodded and then smiled at how sweet Clarke was. Here she had just lost her father, who she loved, and she still felt the need to comfort Lexa about how shitty her own father had been. She really was something special. Lexa placed a light kiss on the tip of Clarke's nose, making her smile. "Goodnight, Clarke," she whispered as she fell asleep. She barely heard Clarke answer her before they were both asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure I had no idea what I was doing when I wrote this but imma just go with the flow and hopefully add on cuz I need me some more Clexa


	3. The Start of Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Clarke and Lexa aren't officially a thing yet but we all know where this is going

The next day they had to get back to campus in order to make it to classes the day after, and both Lexa and Clarke agreed that Clarke could not afford to miss another day. The car ride would be at least a bit of relaxing before they were shoved back into the constantly moving life of college students. They bid goodbye to Abby before getting into Clarke's car, Lexa offering to drive again. 

Clarke takes Lexa up on her offer and sits in the passenger seat of the car, the seat reclined and her head resting on the back. She isn't that tired, she just has no idea what to say to Lexa and she is afraid that if she says anything, everything will come spilling out and that is not something she is ready for yet. So she remains silent, even as she feels Lexa's eyes on her, tender and warm and caring. 

Lexa turns on the radio and quiet music plays as Clarke fights with her emotions, finally growing restless enough that she sits up in her seat, shifting to face Lexa. "Lexa, why'd you come with me this weekend?" she asks, her voice agitated because of her confusion. She does not understand why Lexa would accompany her to her fatger's funeral when she had her own things going on. 

"Because I care about you, Clarke," Lexa says in a way that reminds Clarke of Raven, straightforward and serious. It's different, though, coming from Lexa. 

"You know you don't have to do this kind of thing for me," Clarke argues, though Lexa stopping is maybe the very last thing she wants. "It's not exactly your job as my roommate to do... This." She's not quite sure what she means by 'this', but she knows what it implies. Or, at least, what she hopes it does.

"I know, Clarke," is Lexa's only answer. She offers no more explanation so Clarke let the matter go. She lays back in her seat, closing her eyes. Even though she got enough sleep over the weekend she can't help but feel exhausted. Sadness does that to people, as Lexa well knows. 

 

Clarke eventually falls asleep and Lexa plugs her phone into the aux cord, playing the quiet music that Clarke has begun to associate with her. She watches the road, occasionally checking to make sure that Clarke is still okay. 

 

When they get back to the college, Lexa nudges Clarke awake, smiling at her sleep-mussed hair. Clarke doesn't talk as they carry their bags back up to their dorm but the second the door closes, she quietly says "Lexa, would it be okay if I pushed my bed up against yours?" She is nervous that Lexa will reject her, think the request is weird. She holds her breath as Lexa sets her bag down. 

 

"Of course, Clarke," she says with a small smile, not asking why. Not asking because she just knows.

The next morning Lexa wakes up to Clarke's hair splayed across her pillow, Clarke's arm across her abdomen. She feels a rush of affection upon seeing her so content, so safe, but she shoves it down as she shimmies out from underneath Clarke. She has to shower and eat before class, and she has to get up now if she is going to do so. As soon as she gets up, however, she misses Clarke's warm weight. 

 

When Clarke wakes up Lexa is gone and she is faced with the brutal reality of catching up with her courses. She had done every assignment Raven had brought her but she would need to find notes on the lectures from her classmates. She let herself have a few minutes of lying in bed contemplating just staying there before she threw the blankets off of herself, shivering at the shift in temperature. 

 

She threw her hair into a messy bun, putting on a sweater and leggings and knowing that she probably looked awful but not exactly caring. She was functioning, and that was all that mattered. 

 

She met Raven and Octavia in the commons, where they each grabbed a muffin before sitting down at their usual table. 

 

"Clarke, i'm really sorry I didn't make your dad's funeral," Octavia said, looking Clarke in the eye. Her sincerity made Clarke want to cry, though she had no idea why. 

 

"It's okay guys, really. Lexa went with so I wasn't really alone," Clarke said, not meeting their eyes as she picked off a piece of her chocolate muffin, popping it into her mouth. 

 

"Lexa went with?" Raven asked, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "As in the Lexa we met a couple weeks ago? Roommate Lexa?" 

 

Clarke nodded. "She was really nice to have with. She cleaned for my mom and talked to all the people who came to bring us stuff."

 

"Do you think she likes you?" Octavia teased and Clarke rolled her eyes. 

 

"It wasn't exactly like that," she argued but her mind couldn't help but wander to the nights they had spent in each other's arms, including last night. She reassured herself that she didn't like Lexa exactly, she just... appreciated her. 

 

Finally she finished her muffin, throwing the wrapper away and leaving Octavia and Raven in silence. She knew they would only probe her further about Lexa and she wasn't sure she could answer those questions, even for herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry that update was so long... And that the chapter was so short... Comment if you want me to continue cuz I'm thinking of giving up on this one and starting a hunger games au? Anyway you can follow me on tumblr @thelastofthetimelordss


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